So… due to operator error, I can no longer access my Blogger account. That’s okay, because Blogger kept defaulting to Dutch and my Dutch? Ik spreek geen Nederlands. I don’t speak Dutch. Besides, the old I’m good enough just the way I am vibe doesn’t mesh well with the I’m on a mission vibe I’m feeling now.
Funny thing, motivation. It comes and goes. And when it’s gone, it’s long gone. And complacency sets in. Brooke and I have discussed that phenomenon many times. We’ve labeled it “I want to want to do it, but I don’t want to do it.” That’s where I was. I knew I needed to make a change, clean up some habits, confront some troublesome behaviors. I wanted to do all those things. But deep down, where it really counted, I couldn’t find the motivation to start. I didn’t want to want to do it.
For some reason, I want to do it now. I’ve found my drive again. Of course it’s popped back into the picture at pretty much the worst possible time. Naturally. We’re leaving on vacation in two weeks. It’s the hottest part of the summer – 37 (98) degrees right now and it’s not even 11AM. It’s summer vacation and I either have my boys with me, or I’m running to and fro taking them to activities and home again. It’s finals week at school. Whatever. When motivation comes knocking, you don’t tell it to come back at a more convenient time.
I’ve been sitting here for ten minutes wondering how to start this next paragraph. I feel like I’m either going to wound someone to the core. Or be met with derision. Or that you all will be sitting there wisely nodding your head, saying it’s about bloody time. And in a way I feel like I’ve kind of failed. But I know none of you would actually do/be any of those things, so I don’t know why I hesitate. Anyway…
It’s complicated, but I think I’ve come to the conclusion that veganism doesn’t work for me. My fingernails are shredding away, peeling off in sheets, and have been for a long time now – a year, maybe more. I’m bloated and uncomfortable. It requires copious amounts of coffee to get me through a day. And the sugar cravings? Oh my word, the sugar cravings. I’m no expert (yet) but I think this is nutrition-related. But the thing is, I eat the healthiest vegan fare there is to eat. Too much of it, no doubt, but always high quality stuff. Lots of variety, lots of colour. I supplement the necessary things to supplement. But something is off, and I know it.
After several weeks of reflection, I’ve decided to try adding meats and egss back into my diet. Not just out and about, as has been the case up until now, but at home as well. I’ve also decided to omit – at least temporarily – grains and see if that helps with the bloating and uncomfortableness. I’ve got my eye on the clean eating style promoted by Whole30. So consider these next two weeks my Whole15 – a trial run at this way of eating before taking off for our vacation.
Additionally, I’m going to be taking circuit training classes at my gym once the boys go back to school at the end of August! I already have a new friend (amazing how quickly you can make Facebook/Twitter friends, eh?) who will make sure I don’t back out just because I’m intimidated. There’s even a Cross Fit box available to me now, and I’m contemplating giving that a go. Someone hold me! Between now and then, I’m going to be doing some circuit training on my own – not that I have any illusion that I can somehow get myself into shape for Cross Fit. More like so I don’t sit on my ass for the next four weeks. The motivation is here now, I’m going to do what I can do now. Of course I’m going to continue with my walking, as I still have plans for some two and four day events in my future. But I’m feeling a little more badass than that. I love walking, but I also love sweating and working hard and being strong and proving to myself I am more than I think I am.
So, in summary: formerly vegan, now eating meat again; walker, ready to lift and sweat with the big boys. That’s quite a 180, wouldn’t you say?